It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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