if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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