Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
