I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
