Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
