i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
