im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
