how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
