i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
