he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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