In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
