i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
