Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
