my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
