I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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