He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
