sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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