I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
