i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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