I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
