This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
