so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
