OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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