Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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