the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
only if we run a train.
done.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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