I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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