Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
