Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
