Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Found the puke drawer
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
