Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
