Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
