Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just googled if crying burns calories
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
