Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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