what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
