everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
