Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
