I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
