we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
