if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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