Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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