it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
