Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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