Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
