yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
