don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
