So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
