How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
