WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
