True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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