Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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