we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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