my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
