so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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