She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
