My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
